IF I HAD MISSED THE PAIN I WOULD HAVE MISSED THE DANCE.

19 Dec

CHAPTER 56
Dr. Emil Rioux Counseling Services good day sir how are you how can I help you? Arthur Joseph Legette, I am your 10 O’clock appointment.
Yes, Joseph is it all right if we start on a first name basis. Now I will listen to your story and will formulate a plan after this early hour. Every Dr. has a unique way of counselling according to their outlook on life.
Joseph starts his story, now I joined a comedy club called the Green Door Comedy club, and most of their one-up-man-ship happened in the green room where most of their humour is canned. Now I started to volunteer I was a spry 76 years old man very energetic for my age and able to walk several miles a day. I volunteered to hand out free tickets every day I walked around this small town known as High River, Alta. I handed out promotion free tickets, and I also handed out cards inviting companies to register for free comedy nights at the club for their employee’s. I did this for six months and helped the owner get her through the summer.
Dr. Rioux good introduction now gets to your circumstances.
Joseph well everything was going fine until she invited comics from Lethbridge and they came in on Friday night for open mike. Then one man latched on to me, a Homophobic bully and coward started to pick on me incessantly with these sexual barbs. I tried to adjust I believed I could do so.
Now I could not I had been warned by my intuition that this was not the place for me. Now, this was an acid environment which it would have been better to stay away from. My hunch kept telling me this was not the environment for me I overlooked it and disregarded it. I ploughed on, and after four months my health started to break down. Where I could walk 3 to four miles, I could now not walk six blocks.
Now I was unaware that he was hitting old wounds in my unconscious mind as he said to me would you like to see my dick? Now, this did not register right away, but it did later because what came to mind when I was seven years old my sixteen-year-older brother said get out of here you little gay blade you want to see my dick don’t you? I am sure that the scar on this old hurt was scraped off by these remark by the comic.
Then my brother around the same time when I was 7, he said if you do not get away, I am going to make you lick my boots. Now we lived on a ¾ section of land we were farmers. I taught he was kidding, but he was not he grabs me I fought, but I was forced to kiss his boot. There were many instances of his bullying. I was shocked as I got excited in my groin from this. I would not dare push this further because anything below the belt in religion is the sin. So, I fought these urges all my life. Another time he said to the next older brother they were urinating. He said we would piss on you and make you smell like a man. Now, this was one of his favourite expression and used it all the time. I do not believe that self-abuse is a sin only a very controlling factor on religious parts.

Now all these stories started playing them-selves around in my head I did not become aware of them until my health started deteriorating my eyes were always tearing up and getting very irritated. Now I have Dry Eye Syndrome and need many eye-washes. Then my ears started to plug up and then where I could walk several miles every day. Now I was lucky to close to the end of the six months if I could walk three blocks without pain.
Now this comic was flinging these Homosexual barbs and harassment as often as he could. The laugh was always at my expense. Then one day I was walking out in the hallway from the bathroom to the club main functional room. Now I said to these two comics that I was a born-again virgin and one said well you got your 15-year-old vagina back.  Now, this implied in my mind that I was a woman and not a man.
The second real problematic jest at least he called it a prank. Was Joseph thinks my son is handsome so I will have to keep him away from Joseph? I could take it a no different way than he was joking about and accusing me of being a pedophile. Then I entered the green room, and I said if we are going to have a Comic Roast we should be judged by our peers. Now this comic said hey Joseph thinks he can be a judge.
Now I had told the owner that this would not work and my greatest fear came to fruition I, was rebuffed when I was shunned and told not to go to the club for two weeks.
I was now totally aware of where my health problems lied. My immune system had kicked into high gear trying to combat a mental anomaly and treating it like a virus or flu bug. The body was taking calcium from my bones because I had run out of Calcium for about three months — one of the functions of calcium which works better as follows in Intra Calcium formula which is a combination of calcium orotate and magnesium orotate, two vital nutrients that support healthy teeth and bones, the nervous system, and cardiovascular health.
Now I was depleted and did not have enough calcium to counteract my immune system stealing calcium from my bones this brought about my joint pain because it takes the calcium from the cartilage area of the bones it is easily accessible, and these are usually places that received injury in the past are the most acceptable or easily accessed. In these weak spots, the calcium easily extracted.
Now I discovered that old wounds were being opened up and attacked and the scabs removed and rub to the rough. Now I should have never been part of this environment. Now we have destinies preferred will for us and we have destinies allowed will. Now fate would want us to answer our intuition by listening and acting rather than reacting. Now, This was the granted will I had to go through this ordeal, and if I had not gone through the pain, I would have missed the dance.
I brought it to the owner, and she said well I would have to stay away from the club for two weeks because Lethbridge will be here and I cannot have my comics walking around on eggshell. It did not matter to her that she had a homophobic taught himself funny on board. He was not only that but the homophobic sexual predator and a coward who loved to push buttons over and over again. Is it quite uncanny when they see a scab and start irritating it? Is it quite incredible when they see an opening to alter the skin and start annoying it? I let him see buttons he could drive and he pushed them every time he was in the club. He assumed a thing about me that I did not even know. Why I ask Is not one-up-man-ship humour or comedy? If it then it is the destruction of character and slander of same.
Dr. Now this reminds me of this particular occurrence on the farm that the chickens will peck a chicken to death just on a whim. Now if this hen is not salvaged and put into a second pen, she will be killed. When she is separated, she can never be put back in the pen because they would kill her. Human nature is no different. Now like the chicken put into a different enclosure to prevent her death, comedy I am placed in a position where I can never go back into the comedy club.
Now, when you mix to batches of new chickens, you will have problems because this is starting of a pecking order and these chickens will search one of the leaders out and peck it to death. If taken from the pen and recovers, she cannot be placed in the enclosure again. Now This is because the bullies would not stop their pecking it would just get more pronounced and hateful and destructive. Now, this is why I cannot go back to the club. My weaknesses have been disclosed, and there is too much hate mongering on this earth.
I have had something that I love taken away from me only because a club owner would instead get rid of the old dog who is trying to swim upstream among a bunch of Piranhas.
Dr. Emile Rioux now I am going to tell you a story that happened. Now this story is so you can think about what went on in your life there.
The story of two rainbows! I was on an outing with this young fellow we were travelling towards Kristina Lake. Before you enter Kristina, Lake there is the cut off for the USA border. On your right and there is a picturesque waterfall. He suggested that we stop and climb to the top of the rocky side. We sat down, and he said to me there are two rainbows. I said no there is only one. He said no look there are two. I asked all right where is red on the first one he said at the top. I said where is the red on the second. He said at the bottom. I said why is that? He said I do not know. I meant to think a bit on this it might come. He said why it is you tells me. Now many people are lazy and want everything handed to them.
Dr. E. Rioux said the mist is serving two purposes. The water is causing a rainbow, and it also serves as a mirror. Now the second rainbow is the mirror image of the first rainbow. Now which one would you say is the original and which is the mirror image. He said I do not know.
Now I will explain it to you. Now the one with the red at the top is the original, and the one with the red at the bottom is the mirror image. I said do you know how I know? I said, A mirror always gives a reverse picture. That is why in a mirror if you have a name tag it is backward. So, in gossip and homophobic sexual bullying, the accuser sees himself in the mirror of life. His homophobic fears are occurring because he is so deep in his fag confinement that he can not see himself. Never the less it is himself looking at self. There are many similar clichés in play like when you point the finger at someone else three points back at you.
Now I have a lesson for you here whenever you judge someone else it is always the mirror image of yourself. We still see our person, when we accuse because unless we have the gift of discernment. It is your problem reflecting on you. Judge not, that you judged. For with what judgment you decide, you shall judge: and with what measure you mete, it shall be measured to you again.
Now I have another quote – Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but fail to notice the beam in your eye? Now I will explain this quote you know when you are in an old abandoned building full of dust, and you stir up this earth a beam of dust mites climbs to the top of the windowed sunlight. Now there are many specks of dust in the ray of dusty sunshine. Now, why do you try to remove one speck of dust from your brothers’ eye when you have the whole shaft of dirt in your own. It is not talking about a two by four beam it is talking about a dust beam of mites.
Dr. Joseph, I have a few questions for you. First, do you hate sex?
Joseph, I guess I do because I have always been a poor lover a slam-bang thanks you man type of lover.
Dr. Joseph do you hate men? Joseph yes especially the male chauvinistic pig who is governed by his libido. The male bully of his wife and children, the alcoholic that blames his addiction on everybody else.
Dr. Joseph do you hate women? Joseph, no I love to visit with them walk with them on my arms and sit and have long intelligent conversations. Now there are very few men who you can talk on an original base.
Dr. Joseph in my analogy of you I can honestly say you are not a homosexual, you are an Asexual which means you do not want sex you want comrades and friendship without the responsibility to be sexual.
Dr. Joseph take this mantra or make one up for yourself. Now, why would I want to be you, why would I neglect me? When will I live to my full potential and be me, Forgetting the doubters who only criticize, when will I be me and just me, yes when will I? Remember there is nobody like you, and never will be, moreover, do not forget to be you and only you, ignore detractors, remember you are the only one who can create you. It would help if you did not allow the influence of any kind. However, if you change to please, you are not changing for your good.
Now why would I want to be you, and neglect me, why would I sacrifice my uniqueness to appease you, When I know, there is nobody like me, and can never be, when will I live to my full potential, neglect-ing critics? Your opinion of me is none of my business.
Dr. Now, Joseph, you have to manufacture a mantra for you it has to be your brain wave or storm, and it must come to you as a brainwave.
Dr.  Joseph, I cannot emphasize this enough. Now everything happens for a purpose in our lives — the hate that is prevalent in the world today. I have hated yes, but it is that I hate racist and I hate all the following. I also hate the womanizing man who believes he is god’s gift to women. I hate the one-up-man-ship comic who thinks that everything that comes out of his mouth is funny. I detest the man who would destroy anything that he or sees as threatening they destroy. It is not part of their consciousness but an unconscious desire because it is something, they know they will never have. Now we do not have because we do not believe we can have it. Now if we could find it in our self, there is nothing that is out of reach.
Dr. Joseph this is a toxic environment for you, and you have been operating against your character. Your intuition tried to tell you that, but you overrode it and just blasted on. You had two obstacles in your way the age difference known as the generation gap. And the second was because of this they were not readily willing to accept you as one of their peers, and this is understandable.
We have a society that should and could benefit from the seniors in their life put them away into extended care homes. Now when the young see someone who does not fit their norms of what they perceive as usual their unconscious mind tries to destroy.
Yes, there is communication between the spirit or souls in humans. Our unconscious mind can discern what’s in the unconscious mind or of another soul. Now, this is spirits communing with spirits or energy seeking its level. Power has no boundaries not subject to the restriction of walls.
So, I am repeating and when we see something in another person is because it is so prevalent in the self. So, when we point the finger at someone else, there are three leading back at us. Yes, if we only understood this principle, we would be less accusative.
Now, our unconscious mind is our accuser it does not know the difference between what is right and what is false. If we are not careful, it will lie to us on a regular basis. So, what we accuse another even in humour is pointing back at us.
One other thing that I hate is homophobic and every man who does not see things as they see it is a “fag.” Now, when people do that it is because they and their point of view are the only ones that count, and is a side effect of religious brainwashing and the inability to think for themselves.
We have nobody to blame, but ourselves now bullies come in all forms, and you find them in every walk of life be it simple comedy groups someone places himself in the bully mode. They think it is funny yes, a laughable matter.
Nothing but nothing happens in your life capriciously. Joseph, we attract everything that occurs in our lives there is something in your soul that was not completed and issues that are almost as old as you not settled. Now, this is why Paul said to count it all joy when you have trials. If you laugh through the tests, they last less long. Because when you cry you cry alone and when you laugh many laughed with you and some are laughing at you. Now think no matter what you served a unique purpose brought laughter to the crowds. Hate will not take away the pain only love and forgiveness.
I have come to the end of this chapter of my life I was meant to be here. Now It was not expected to be lasting to it was just a stopover in the storm. I am relinquishing all hate all fear, and all the grudges that I taught were warranted. I was hurt, but I had to be led through this hurt because the Universe Had a Greater Job to do.
Hate is not easy to conquer, but we must rise above hate. Count the whole world lost if we cannot overcome for; we have too much hate. Now If we do not conquer this hate we are supposed to repeat history. Now I believe that my souls’ agenda nourished and I must follow my stint with the Green Door Comedy club is over. Now you can bring all your hold on me, and leave me I have healed. You have won all the fault mine because there can be no other solution or anything different. I was motivated by hate, fear, gossip, revenge, hatred mongering. I have risen above it, and I am healed. I can walk a good 2 miles without pain. Thank you, creator, for the pain because without it I would have missed the dance. I could never go back, and that’s is alright I been there done that and it has been a nice trip.

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